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The truth is that Americans judge people who prefer to look away while talking to somebody.
Some people are able to focus when looking somebody in the eye, while it's a distraction to other people.
The intel community particularly attaches much weight to looking at the person you're talking to. Otherwise, you'd be viewed as probably lying.
Statistics: Posted by fw12 — Sun Aug 22, 2010 6:01 pm
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Rather, in America, we simply use more frequent eye contact in an unspoken reassurance to the other person or persons that we are paying attention to what they are saying. Doing so also lets the person with whom we are speaking pick up on how we are perceiving what is being discussed.
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True. Other ways exist too, such as vocal response. So at the end of the day, it all boils down to culture.
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As to the handshake, indeed, every culture and every society has its behavioral relics. Why do Europeans embrace? Why do Asians bow? Surely, Nigerians have a few of these.
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More than a few!
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Incidentally, while a firm handshake is appreciated,
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Nope. We're not talking about appreciation. It's considered, perhaps dogmatically by some, that a firm handshake is a mark of a leader.
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please believe me that far more consequential concerns regarding the ability of an individual to do a job are of more importance. Otherwise, only the most muscular, burly people would succeed! As you know, such is not the case!
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Of course not. It'd be stupid to suggest that a firm handshake is the only criteria. But it is one of the important ones, especially if a search committee member is looking for an excuse to discredit an interviewee.
Ask a germophobe, and he'd tell you handshakes are a bad idea all together, let alone a firm handshake. By that token, Howard Hughes, Donald Trump, Howie Mandell, Shannen Doherty, etc, would be dismissed as unfit for leadership positions at some job interviews.
Whatever angle we look at this question from, it boils down to one thing - culture. What is acceptable behavior in America, may get you killed elsewhere in a worse case scenario. So, there is no right or wrong.
Statistics: Posted by Richard Akindele — Thu Feb 08, 2007 9:56 pm
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An analogy was made to a barking dog. Certainly, if an animal is made uncomfortable by your presence, the last thing you wish to do is antagonize it! And, I think you'll agree that engaging in civil conversation is quite a different thing than being in a confrontational, even threatening situation. When engaged in [i]non-confrontational [/i]conversation with somebody, maintaining eye contact is considered respectful in the US. Now, as I have noted, this does [i]not[/i] mean to stare at the other party in an intense manner. Doing so is considered rude and it is rather unsettling, as well.
Rather, in America, we simply use more frequent eye contact in an unspoken reassurance to the other person or persons that we are paying attention to what they are saying. Doing so also lets the person with whom we are speaking pick up on how we are perceiving what is being discussed.
As to the handshake, indeed, every culture and every society has its behavioral relics. Why do Europeans embrace? Why do Asians bow? Surely, Nigerians have a few of these. Incidentally, while a firm handshake is appreciated, please believe me that far more consequential concerns regarding the ability of an individual to do a job are of more importance. Otherwise, only the most muscular, burly people would succeed! As you know, such is not the case!
This exchange, by the way, is one of the reasons I'm here...to learn about such customs (as well as share what I know about my own!).
Statistics: Posted by drrionelli — Thu Feb 08, 2007 8:14 pm
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In America, it is felt to be a courtesy to make eye contact with whom you are speaking. In fact, it's considered respectful. It shows that you have, or are giving, attention to the other person. Now, certainly, we don't stare at one another the entire time that we're in conversation. But, we do most likely make more eye contact than many in cultures other than our own.
Another thing...America was founded on the idea that persons are equal. Yes, it is true that some social strata occur, but that is not the same as a [i]caste[/i] separation. Therefore, in America, nobody is your "superior" and you need not avert your gaze when speaking to people because of their financial, political or social standing. If I had the chance to meet with President Bush, I would be [i]expected [/i]to look him in the eye. After all, he puts on his pants the same way I put mine on!
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There is a stark difference between Japan and the US on this issue. Frankly, I think it's unnatural to look someone directly in the eye in a conversation. Consider an animal like a dog. If it's barking at you, the last thing you want to do is look at it directly, else it'd be construed as a direct challenge. That is a proof that, although America may be accustomed to doing this, it's unnatural nonetheless.
What I disagree with the most is the believe in America that if you don't look at a person you're talking to, you invariably have something to hide.
Personally, when I'm in a conversation with someone, and need to do some thinking, I often look away. To the zealots in America, that automatically means I've got something to hide.
[quote="drrionelli"]
As to the handshake, well, in past days when America was largely an agrarian society, if you shook hands firmly, it showed that you were a hard-working person because you had developed strength. Some people do take this to extremes, however, and squeeze a bit too much. Old traditions die hard!
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The firm handshake argument is taken to the hilt in America, especially in big companies. That is one of the main criteria used to determine who is management material at job interviews. I appreciate your historical perspective on this. Unfortunately, in the present day, such believe is antiquated and should be retired. The argument just doesn't hold water anymore.
Statistics: Posted by Richard Akindele — Thu Feb 08, 2007 2:42 am
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In America, it is felt to be a courtesy to make eye contact with whom you are speaking. In fact, it's considered respectful. It shows that you have, or are giving, attention to the other person. Now, certainly, we don't stare at one another the entire time that we're in conversation. But, we do most likely make more eye contact than many in cultures other than our own.
Another thing...America was founded on the idea that persons are equal. Yes, it is true that some social strata occur, but that is not the same as a [i]caste[/i] separation. Therefore, in America, nobody is your "superior" and you need not avert your gaze when speaking to people because of their financial, political or social standing. If I had the chance to meet with President Bush, I would be [i]expected [/i]to look him in the eye. After all, he puts on his pants the same way I put mine on!
As to the handshake, well, in past days when America was largely an agrarian society, if you shook hands firmly, it showed that you were a hard-working person because you had developed strength. Some people do take this to extremes, however, and squeeze a bit too much. Old traditions die hard!
Statistics: Posted by drrionelli — Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:17 pm
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Do people in Belgium look people in the eye when they're speaking or being spoken to?
[/quote]yea we look at people in the eyes here wen we are talking to them,not taht they gonna think that u aint listening to them,and that aint good here,and no i havent live in nigria yet.
Statistics: Posted by Amerie_fan_4life — Wed Jan 31, 2007 4:41 pm
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Statistics: Posted by fw12 — Wed Jan 31, 2007 4:27 am
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Statistics: Posted by Amerie_fan_4life — Sun Jan 28, 2007 9:18 pm
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I personally feel that you should make eye contact when talking to people - but only glances, not out right staring- as it shows that your talking to them and that you have a right to talk and express your opinions.
when people dont look at you when they talk to you they tend to seem shy and nervous - which is probably why people get the impression that they have something to hide!
Statistics: Posted by alpacaem — Fri Aug 25, 2006 12:24 pm
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They also think somebody's handshake says something about that person. If you go for a job interview, you're expected to have a firm handshake.
The Japanese on the other hand consider looking somebody in the eye as very disrespectful, especially if the person you're talking to is your superior. I think Nigerians are the same way.
So, what obtains in America is more of a culture than anything else. As far as I'm concerned, not looking somebody in the eye while you speak to them is not a sign that you have something to hide.
I also disagree with the firm handshake theory.
Statistics: Posted by Richard Akindele — Sat Aug 05, 2006 1:12 am
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It is a big thing in America that people look each other in the eye when having a discussion. According to Americans, if you look away when talking to somebody, they believe you have something to hide. What do you think about this premise?
Statistics: Posted by fw12 — Thu Aug 03, 2006 6:32 am
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